Aaron's Adventures

Where finished works of art go when they're... um... finished...
Posts: 121
Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 5:19 pm

Aaron’s Adventures - Part 16

Post by rain » Sun Nov 09, 2003 2:04 pm

Aaron had begun to advance on Terry, salivating heavily, when he heard a noise behind him. He spun around quickly, and noticed to his surprise that there were about thirty more caterpillars coming towards him rapidly. He turned once again to Terry, who by now was accompanied not only by Sheryl, but at least forty more caterpillars. "Yum! All you can eat!" Aaron drooled.

"Get him lads!" Terry shouted. The caterpillars swarmed over Aaron, bringing him to his haunches with their combined weight.
"Oh, shit - not another life threatening situation - this is awful" Aaron moaned, by now completely prostrated on the ground. It was then he began to feel the little nibbles of the caterpillars. At first they tickled, and Aaron squirmed and giggled. Then they began to break skin, and Aaron squirmed and shrieked.

A huge shadow fell over Aaron and the clan of carnivorous caterpillars, some of which looked up in askance, but most continued to hurriedly nibble on Aaron's tender young flesh.
"What the hell is going on here?" The owner of the shadow boomed angrily, slapping at the caterpillars and mushing them onto Aaron's quivering body.

"Let's get out of here!" Terry screamed, dragging his squished rear end behind him like a festering hypercolour wedding train. The surviving caterpillars leapt from Aaron and propelled themselves to cover as fast as their minute legs could carry them.

Aaron groaned and lifted his head from the ground to better see his rescuer, who until this point had been merely a shadow to him. "Oh, um, hello there ..." he stuttered.

"Hello Aaron," the shadow replied, "seem to have got yourself into a bit of trouble there, young man. Are you alright?"

"I, I think I'm fine." Aaron told the shadow nervously. "Just a little bit shaken up and nibbled."

"That's good ..." The voice continued, "So, Aaron, may I ask where the fuck you have been? And where's my goddamn Tequila?!"

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Aaron’s Adventures - Part 17

Post by ejaewon » Sun Nov 09, 2003 5:31 pm

With the pensive face of a naughty child about to get a whipping, Aaron launched into the explanation of where he’d been and what he’d been up to. He went into far too much detail, but he of course left out the minor details of him never intending to go to a shop to purchase alcohol, or him running away vowing to return seeking vengeance. As he droned on and on, his mother’s eyes glazed over and at one point she nodded off briefly before jolting awake again realising she was about to topple over face first. And still little Aaron kept explaining.

“... a dead mouse, mother! A dead mouse! And it was all dry, and yet sticky at the same time, which indicates the presence of moisture of some sort, obviously. Perhaps Warren wiped his nose on it, although why he’d choose to wipe his nose on a dry, dead mouse is another issue entirely, isn’t it? Perhaps his family are poor and can’t afford to buy Kleenex. They could always go Home Brand but they give me a dry, scratchy nose, don’t you agree mother? Anyhoo, then he...” His mother picked up a small twig and drew a series of squares in the dry, red earth. She then picked up a pebble and started playing hopscotch to pass the time.

“... and then I realised it was you and I was so happy and pleased because I was on the verge of being eaten alive by thousands of ravenous caterpillars, although I had no idea caterpillars ate aardvarks in the first place – I thought they just ate leaves and grass and such. Maybe it’s a special species of carnivorous caterpillar that only lives around here, just my luck.” Aaron sighed, and there was silence. A cricket chirped quietly in a thicket nearby.

A quiet thumping sound indicated his mother’s game of hopscotch was still in progress. With a last hop his mother appeared to have won, and she collapsed onto the ground. “Oh you’re quite finished then? You don’t want to read me the next volume of Encyclopaedia Britannica?” She heaved breathlessly. Aaron thought it best not to say what was on his mind this time. After a short rest, she stood up. “Come on you little plop, lets go home. I’ll grab some Bundy and coke on the way back.” A feeling of dread washed over Aaron.

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Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 5:19 pm

Aaron's Adventures - Part 18

Post by rain » Tue Nov 18, 2003 5:13 pm

Aaron's mother started to shuffle away, but Aaron remained where he was. "Are you coming Aaron?!" She turned to face her tiny son, "Get your little aardvark arse into gear! I'm halfway to sober now, and god help us all if I get all the way there ..." she grunted slightly menacingly.

"Mother, actually - I've decided I'm not going to go with you." Aaron wheedled, and poked about in the earth nervously.

"But Aaron, if you don't come with me you'll die!" his mother now had a strange pleading yet scary edge to her voice which Aaron had never heard before.

"But the caterpillars are gone now, Mother, I'm really starting to get the hang of these legs, I'm not craving colostrum so much any more - I really feel it would be best for everyone if I just try to make it on my own. I don't want to cramp your style!" he raised his eyes to meet hers, and (as usual) didn't like what he saw.

"When I said if you don't come with me you'll die, I wasn't referring to the frigging caterpillars ..." Aaron's mother started to advance slowly towards him, her eyes glazed with fury and the wet stuff that eyes normally produce.

Aaron was staring at her in shock and awe when suddenly a tremendously loud voice barked, "Stop right where you are, bitch! We've got you this time!"

Aaron goggled and fainted for the umpteenth time.

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Aaron's Adventures - Part 19

Post by ejaewon » Wed Nov 26, 2003 2:19 pm

Aaron felt a strong whack around his chops. If he didn't have fur, it would have been a slap, and if he was Rocky, his mouthguard would have flown across the room along with a huge amount of saliva and sweat.

"Aaron! Thought that would bring you around." Aaron blinked and focussed on the big aardvark standing in front of him. "Name's Adolf. As you can see," he motioned towards the corner of the dingy cave to what appeared to be a rather large mound of prime quality minced beef with ears, "I accidentally killed your mother. I hope you don't mind."

Aaron mused for a moment, and realised to his surprise that he was mildly concerned. "Actually, that pisses me off, slightly ..." he confessed.

"Well, never mind, too late to do anything about it now, son." The large aardvark guffawed insensitively. "From now on, Aaron, you're going to live with me. You see, I am your father."

Aaron gingerly raised himself to his haunches and looked frankly at the gargantuan aardvark towering over him. "I see ..." he frowned aardvarkily, "So ... you and mother never really got along then?"

"I don't know whether you ever noticed, Aaron, but your mother was a two-bit whore, slut, alcoholic bitch. I think the world will be a better place without her. I hope you haven't picked up any of her nasty habits, boy."

"Well, Dad, I was only born yesterday!" Aaron smirked.

"Don't backchat me, you little pissant!" With that he picked up poor Aaron by one of his much loved haunches and tossed him bodily out of the dank cave.

Outside, bruised and scratched, Aaron slowly picked himself up and dusted his pathetic little self off. Just as he was about to get his bearings, a large shadow passed over him, and it seemed the very earth was vibrating and throbbing. "Oh for gods sake, what now?" he looked up just in time to see a large furry bottom spewing forth a tidal wave of crap - and from the buttocks, he realised he was being shat upon by a moose. Although pleasantly warm, he realised he couldn't breathe, and began struggling, endeavouring to reach the top of heap of crap. As his mouth and nose filled with poo, he was reminded of happier times, when he was involved in a similar struggle to reach the top of a pile of crap, called life.

His name was Barry. He lived in the suburbs of Aberdeen in Scotland. His intelligence was slightly below average, and he married a nice lass called Cheryl. They lived happily with their only child, Darren, for several years. He was a local gardener, she a hearse driver. She came home one day and turned him inside out with a rusty spoon, and then he was an aardvark. As Aaron carked it, he wondered what on earth was in store for him next...

-- by ejaewon and rain :shock: