From the 1990s

Where finished works of art go when they're... um... finished...
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rain
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Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 5:19 pm

From the 1990s

Post by rain » Mon Oct 27, 2003 5:56 pm

How are your legs? Are they blue yet? I have a pony. His name is Anthony. I ride him every day. Then I put him back into his box. Then I put the box into the drawer, douse it with petrol and laugh uproariously as it is engulfed in flame.

rain
Posts: 121
Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 5:19 pm

Post by rain » Mon Oct 27, 2003 5:57 pm

Jasper, a large, grey mongoose, playfully slapped at the legs of the running boy. "Don't hurt me Jasper!", cried the boy in terror, running as fast as his quickly tiring legs would carry him, his polio had been acute. "I wouldn't hurt you, my lad!", Jasper chuckled in his deep, throaty voice "You're a little trooper, what with your whooping cough, typhoid, syphillis, polio, the plague, and TB, it's a wonder you're alive at all! I reckon it would be right nasty to hurt you after all you've been through!" "Thank you Jasper," the boy sighed in relief, "Can we sit now?" "No." Jasper cried, and playfully dismembered the boy. The moral of this story is: Don't be a goose, never trust a mongoose.

rain
Posts: 121
Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 5:19 pm

Post by rain » Mon Oct 27, 2003 5:57 pm

I have a poodle living in my left ear, his name is Eustace, and he has a large pink nose. He barks very late at night, and I smack him, as it is very loud... Eustace is my friend. He eats two weet-bix every morning, and then goes outside and rolls in his own muck. I make him wash before I let him back in my ear. Sometimes Eustace wants to eat cheese, but I don't let him. Eustace needs a bath today. Eustace ate three weet-bix this morning, and I smacked him. Do you have a poodle in your left ear? What is it called?

ejaewon
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Post by ejaewon » Mon Oct 27, 2003 5:58 pm

No I don't have a pet poodle in my ear. I have a small purple rat with luminescent yellow eyes. Sometimes Charles sneers at me, and I get very cross indeed. I take Charles by the tail, swing him in wide circles and rap his head firmly on the desk. Never more than seven or eight times, of course. That would be unkind. Often he tries to garner sympathy by bleeding and gurgling, but he doesn't fool me. After all, a purple rat called Charles that sneers in peoples ears deserves everything he gets.

rain
Posts: 121
Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 5:19 pm

Post by rain » Mon Oct 27, 2003 5:59 pm

Keelon, the martian, beeped out a strange message to the crowd of confused earthlings. A teenage boy looked confused,"What, you green-skinned son-of-a-bitch?" Keelon struck him behind the ear with one of his many tenticles, almost knocking the boy down. "Now, you mind your manners in front of these lovely ladies." Keelon admonished the boy. Before Keelon could say another word, one of the women in the crowd had come forward and knocked him down, bloodying what would have been his nose, if he had had one. "You sexist prick," she swore, "Go home." "I was just trying to be nice..." Keelon tried to explain, small streams of green slime pouring down his multifaceted face, "I thought I was being nice..." Keelon knelt in the sand, five tenticles doing an inadequate job of wiping his tears. "I'm sorry," said the woman, "You weren't to know. Lets shake limbs, and be friends." So they did, and were from that moment on.
Last edited by rain on Tue Oct 28, 2003 1:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ejaewon
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Post by ejaewon » Mon Oct 27, 2003 6:00 pm

Kermit was spreadeagled on a lily pad when suddenly Miss Piggy crashed through the undergrowth and landed with a mighty splash in the middle of the pond. Kermit was hurled through the air and came to an abrupt halt as he was pasted thickly on a nearby tree. Bits of green skin and pink flesh slowly dribbled and oozed their way down the scaly bark of the tree. Miss Piggy, ever optimistic, scraped Kermit together and molded him neatly on a skewer, and then proceded to gleefully spitroast the mashed Kermit kebab over an open fire. They were never closer.

garry
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Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 6:03 pm
Location: Hades(its warm but moist)

Cinderella

Post by garry » Mon Oct 27, 2003 8:14 pm

...here's the story of Cinderella (I'll just carry on on the same warped wave length as you two, and all shall be rosy).

Full name.
Cinderella Nosbigaserass Fungall (should have used shorter name)

Now as far as I can remember this is how the story goes.

Cinderella was born in a little town called fairy land.
17.13.1236 was her date of birth (they had different calenders back then). She never went to school, and so never recieved an academic record. Anyhow 18 years after she was born she turned 18, she lived in an old broken down home with her ugly sister (the other one died) and her two mothers, who were siamese and asexual. Cinderella was a gorgeous plump gal who had a fetish for pumpkins and mice.

One day after eating a mouldy old mouse which had started to ferment inside a pumpkin, she had a vision. She saw a rather nasty looking leatherbound truckie lady with tattoos and rings and chains connected between quite unusual parts of her,...parts. This lady was kind of floating above the ground(its hard to float when your that big!) as she floated she talked to Cinderella "G'day" she said in a harsh monotone voice.

"Hello"said Cinderella tentatively. "Yeah, anyhow I just popped by te make yer byewtiful, and giv ya a good time." said the hag. "How bout sum piss"said the hag, as she shoved a bottle of whisky(50% alcohol volume)down Cinderella's ever waiting gullet. "uhg, ugh,uhg "said Cinderella. "who are you"said Cinderella. "They call me godmother"said the hag. "Oh so your my fairy godmother" said Cinderella. "Watch what yer say girly, enough with that other word" said the hag.

Cinderella sat on her arse gobsmacked for a while, as the fat hag fluttered around delicatly with her tiny wings waving her magic wand and changing various things into things that might be percieved as more useful by some.The godmother(alias "hag")turned a cow into beef stroganoff(and still made those cute moo noises)she turned sugar into dynamite a cat into maggie two minute noodles and a pile of stones were fittingly turned into giant buds of marajuana.

After this, the two beefy girls sat around and got to know each other. The godmother learned of a rave that was occurring at around 9:30pm that night, which Cinderella dearly wished to attend.

Godmother: "So this guy Prince Beeeg Richard that all ther gals er uftar eez gunna be at thee darnse tonight, ey?"

Cinderella: "Yeeh, thets right luv"

Godmother: "I'd better fix yer up than, ey?"

With out waiting for a response the ..... godmother quickly started waving her wand about getting thing organised for the do, later that night.



Too bee continued (pleez finish this kevin. I'm cold, tired and hungry, don't keep me here any longer pleeze let me go. No not the chainsaw kevin pleeez put the chainsaw down. pleeez! PLEEEEZ! AAAAHHHHHHH!)

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