Jeff the squirrel

Where finished works of art go when they're... um... finished...
ejaewon
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Jeff the squirrel

Post by ejaewon » Sun May 16, 2004 1:41 pm

Then Jeff the squirrel finished the sonnet he was writing and lay down his
quill, just as there came a gruff knock to the door.
'Ew is i', 'en?' he enquired. There was a tense silence, then a muffled
groan and a wet thump. Perturbed, Jeff went to the door and warily opened it
a slit. Lying on the ground in a wet puddle of a sinister, dark liquid, was
Shiela the beaver, his friend and without-partner-fuck.
'Cor, blimey!' exclaimed Jeff as he dragged his beaver across the carpet
leaving a revolting wet trail.
'You orri'?' he prodded Shiela. She opened her eyes, slowly and looked deep
into Jeff's eyes.
'Say sum'in! Wo' 'appin'd?' Jeff cried, tears in his eyes. The beaver opened
its mouth a crack, and with a stale waft of warm air, started drooling...

ejaewon
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Jeff and Shiela

Post by ejaewon » Thu May 20, 2004 6:08 pm

was chatting with Jeff the squirrel this morning - him and Shiela are having a much better time now

rain
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Jeff and Shiela

Post by rain » Thu May 20, 2004 6:10 pm

That is wonderful - I was concerned that what Eustace had told Sheila about Jeff and the weasel would have lasting implications...

ejaewon
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Jeff and Shiela

Post by ejaewon » Thu May 20, 2004 6:11 pm

Well a lot of time has passed and as you know Eustace's suspicions were unfounded... but then one does wonder... I've always thought the Jeff was very effeminate, although that could be related to his species...

rain
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Titmice

Post by rain » Thu May 20, 2004 6:12 pm

There has indeed been alot of speculation surrounding the focus of Jeff's interests, but quite frankly I thought it would all be put to rest - at least for Sheila's sake - when they hooked up. It's not like Eustace has exactly got a spotless record! Do you remember Shannon the titmouse?!

ejaewon
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Titmice

Post by ejaewon » Thu May 20, 2004 6:12 pm

Who could forget! It took weeks for poor Shannon to get over the duct tape wounds! But really, they are meant for each other - Shiela was a whore-beaver, remember.

rain
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Sheila's hairy face

Post by rain » Thu May 20, 2004 6:13 pm

Sheila has put that all behind her as you well know! As far as I am concerned Sheila and Jeff are a happy, stable, mixed-species couple. The rumours that they are only together to put a stop to rumours is only a rumour. If Eustace has something genuine to say he should say it to Sheila's hairy face!

ejaewon
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Shiela's hairy face

Post by ejaewon » Thu May 20, 2004 6:13 pm

He did - remember?

rain
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Sheila's hairy face

Post by rain » Thu May 20, 2004 6:14 pm

Yeah, but I think he was drunk at the time ... I'm talking about a civilised conversation - not shrieking at the top of his skinny throat in the middle of a pub-brawl! He has no class.

ejaewon
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Nasty bush pigs

Post by ejaewon » Thu May 20, 2004 6:14 pm

Oh I agree. But you have to remember he came from the dregs of society, was brought up an orphan by a pair of nasty bush pigs - I can understand why Eustace turned out such a fuck off.

rain
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Nasty bush pigs

Post by rain » Thu May 20, 2004 6:14 pm

That is true - but after he inherited all that money from the Badger you would think he would spend a little of it on bettering himself, not just hooning around like a tool for the rest of his life! And it's not like he ever gave the bush pigs any credit for not letting him starve and die in a pool of his own excrement!

Personally I would have drowned the little shit if I had been the one to come across his skinny little body - I'm surprised to this very day that they didn't eat him!

ejaewon
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Barry the bush pig and his low sperm count

Post by ejaewon » Thu May 20, 2004 6:16 pm

Oh I am too. I think Gertie's maternal instinct kicked in - she must have felt sorry for the wretched little thing. And don't forget Barry has always had a bit of a problem with his swimmers, so they couldn't have their own little bush pig.

rain
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Barry the bush pig and his low sperm count

Post by rain » Thu May 20, 2004 6:16 pm

Are you sure Barry has a problem? Have you seen Dorah's new litter?! If I was Gertie (though thankfully I'm not!) I would be having a bit of a chat with Barry. You know he was spending quite a bit of time with Dorah - ostensibly for "work" - around the right time ...

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Barry the bush pig and his low sperm count

Post by ejaewon » Thu May 20, 2004 6:17 pm

Hmmm... well I really don't care for bush pigs in the first place. Especially Barry - his violent nature will see him land in jail one of these days. And I've seen Gertie "discipline" poor Eustace on more than one occasion. Haven't you always wondered why Eustace's right hind leg has four knees?

rain
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Barry the bush pig and his low sperm count

Post by rain » Thu May 20, 2004 6:17 pm

I thought it was probably some sort of congenital abnormality - like his mind! As for Barry - he's never done an honest days work in his life! He's very lucky that his brother Terry is the law in the area ... Amazing that one pig will go one way and another pig completely the opposite ...

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