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Sunny days sweeping the clouds away
Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2004 11:18 am
After a long day at the office nothing satisfies me more than a trip to the local tavern, on entering the bar I noticed that it has only three lights fully functional a couple of booths and half a dozen bar stools. In the corner a band was setting up, all band members were over fifty, long hair and where fully dressed in leather. I sat down at the bar where a very large obese bar tender with an over grown mullet emerged from beneath; I asked for my usual drink, good old fluffy duck. When presented with my drink the bar tender quoted nothing but Shakespeare to me, as to the other customers. While waiting for the band I over looked the crowd slowly forming, in the corner was an old woman in a mini skirt with another old fellow in a V-neck sweater, the two of them where using there tongues extensively, with all the groping that was being performed it was difficult for the mind to take and I had to look away. A man sat next to me he was dressed as a purple dinosaur, he smelt of vodka, spew and shopping malls, he ordered a bottle and a straw. He told me his name was Gavin and he hands out brochures in front of a sex shop, apparently there is a new dragon dildo on the market and he has been told he best suited for the role. I observed the crowd once again and noticed a very white bald man in a ballet uniform, complete with tutu, with my highly developed skills and knowledge in performing arts I could quickly scout out that he was performing Swan Lake. Magnificent performance. By then the band was up and ready, when looking at the band I noticed that the guitarist had only two fingers on one hand, they all had their shots of Viagra and then the show started. For the entire night they only played songs by deep purple, although I quite enjoyed it they could have learnt another artist. Upon leaving the venue the band came forward to the old couple in the corner offering there services in an “old school orgy”. Old school was correct, I shudder in disgust. The next thing I knew the purple dinosaur and the ballet dancer had left together, I was on my own! How horrid. I yelled out for the bar keep “drink please!” he emerged form the floor once again (how dose he do that) and once again he quoted Shakespeare. I had enough, so I hopped on my unicycle and left. While peddling home…
Who shall complete the story. Step forth now.
Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 1:24 am
...things just seemed to get worse instead of better. I was only a few kilometres from home when a large truck passed me, which seemed to be in a hurry to get where it was going. As it passed me it just happened to drive through a large puddle of water on the road, this of course drenched me in an instant!
From then on I vowed never to go out on the same day that it had rained! Just as the large truck was about to leave my rather acute long distance sight, I saw something fall off the back of the truck as it made a very sharp turn to the east. The truck was gone and with no way of catching up to it to abuse the driver, I instead peddled faster in order to reach the fallen object before anyone else did.
It was quite dark by this time, so I hoped that everyone else in the area was fast asleep. As I approached the corner that seemed more and more to be part of my destiny or some major part of my future, that kind of thing, I saw one lone light on in one of the houses nearby. There was such a noise coming from within, one which became more and more distinct as rode closer and closer.
Just as I was about to reach that house I saw the colour of the light change to purple. Curious I stopped at the window and glanced inside, which became one of the quickest glances I will ever make! It was the ballet dancer and the purple dinosaur from the tavern! I winced thoroughly and peddled on towards the corner.
Not long now I thought to my self, the mystery fallen object was insight! I was spurred on further by the sight of the object that had fallen and by the chance of instigating some kind of revenge for being doused and made quite soggy by unfortunate meeting of puddle and truck tires.
I was almost there, I took further measures to increase my speed, but no so much as to cause myself further embarrassment by falling flat on my face in the road. I screeched to halt as I reached what now lay on the road. I got off my unicycle, laid it on the road while taking several deep breaths. I picked up what was now clearly a dark blue box.
I shook the box a little to see if I could ascertain what inside just like every kid does at Christmas, I failed to lose some of my more childish habits.
One more deep breath, anticipation mounting as I begun to open the dark blue box. I thought I should get this over with, so I opened it as quickly as I could and there was....
Posted: Sun May 02, 2004 1:17 pm
As I opened the box, my eyes lit up. So the rumors were true. It was the very famous snow globe stress ball that a so called company had been selling directly to the public, I took it out and raised it above my head, a short burst of light exploded out of the sky and for a short time the universe stopped moving and all time stood still, it what seemed like forever quickly turned back into reality. I held it in my hand and slowly with the other I reached to squeeze it, with its silicon exterior I gave it a quick squeeze. Suddenly the ball started to shake and gave out an ear piercing noise. I panicked and dropped it, as soon as it hit the ground it bounced back up I could see amongst the blizzard of glitter the tiny statue of Santa, he winked at me and then with one quick explosion the world around me disappeared.
What is going on here?!...
(Red Raven, if you read this then you must reply at some point!)