Upon the rocky perches

Extraordinary stories and conversations - all ORIGINAL!
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bron
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 9:12 pm
Location: You really don't want to know.

Upon the rocky perches

Post by bron » Mon Apr 19, 2004 10:27 am

Precariously perched on our stools sipping lemon lime and bitters, the one-ball juggler does his unique little lapdance. The talentless warble that utters from his mouth only a distraction from the one talent he is unawares. Unseeing eyes wander the bar for signs of a conjoined thought. Tumbleweeds scatter hither and yon. Phweee...
Tweed and golfer styles vie for pole position in the midst of glasses, baldspots and gravitating cleavages. Eighties-style leather jacket guy tries his wiley ways on white lace lady, it's a battle of great wits and styles.
One-ball-juggle proclaims playing a song better than the original band. Cries of belief utter from some dark corner where no presence was known to exist. A groan mutters from my mouth as the horror permiates from the juggler's mouth. Legend of this supendous occasion is born, and talk is destined to rattle between the rafters for maybe two days. As juggler rips into a song that we thought he already played, we beg and pray to the gods that be will let the next player at the Irish sunday night gig be better.

RedRaven
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 12:02 am
Location: Out there...OUT THEERRE...somewhere

Feral chooks - poke poke

Post by RedRaven » Mon May 24, 2004 1:08 am

Well the boredom splat via the Foo Fighters but the boringest FF of all, oh some Fear Factory instead? HAHAHA not fucking likely. Fucking mullet snob boy. Grrr, Ahhhh. Pfftt! It's a dangerous night to be holding a pen, vicious words of spit may issue!

HAHA....so vicious, but see her turn, how will she handle the hypocrisy??? They may be a good band but the real meaning of the word is much more sinister.

"Didn't know where to stick it!" she said. I believe she could have thought of a few good places to stick it a few moments before.
Fuck well, now that I can think straight I shall suggest a few places. Up your smoke hole! Up my sweaty squash crack. Sorry, that spot is taken.

Well, educational as that was, meanwhile... the ferals stinking of that dirt perfume continue to act drunk and fall over on cue. Don't know if they're acting as ferals, but they all dyed their hair from the same bottle and the sequins look strategically placed.
A few caps tonight.... Fake basketballers to balance out the fake ferals!

Chips of life please dive down my throat. Bundy and coke?? Off to Queensland with you you skanky short-hairs. I want sauce! Where has this pen been BTW? It's rubber and might contain any number of memories and stenches.

BIRDS HEY!? Hard to fucking believe, INDEED! The only birds you've had in your car were your daughters or when you were transporting your chooks to greener pastures. You're over the hill and living on a hobby farm. Not that we really want to broadcast, but you fucking whacked sik chook fucker!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe the chips are the right heat now. Oh what a surprise, he has nicked off without a goodbye, just like he sneaked in without a fucking Hell-o!
That's the way chook fuckers go! No hello, just a poke poke whether in the ribs or elsewhere, they're all just little peckers and that's how you can crush their egos!
Well he is good at some things but certainly not chookansy. Not even bantams, they just know they're chickens because they have a giblet or two. I don't mind any sort of giblet truth be told, at least he apologised feebly.

Killing me slowly, not softly. Get pissed and unclench the butthole. You'll be able to breathe, then TADA!!! You can sing! *Slap* come on, I can do it!!
You certainly can if you can cop the silent abuse and grin and bear it until the applause flows like the beautiful free beer every fifth. Yes there is a musical pun in there, and don't you forget it!

Pissed-feral-wannabe treads in the dangerous teritory of sober male. Male takes advantage like an ant in an open sugar bowl on the counter. It's shocking! I hope I would never be so loud and stupid when drunk that people could hear me across the bar in a crowded and very loud pub. I'd die from the sheer embarrassment. He doesn't CARE what's coming from your mouth sweetheart! Oh fuck, fake laughing... your chest has his full attention ALREADY, you don't need to try and impress him dear. LOL!
Is she the one near-head-butting the corner?? Yes yes. Its soooo not cool to roll :roll:
*hair flick*hair flick* .......OH YOU MAKE ME CRY.

bron
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 9:12 pm
Location: You really don't want to know.

Ode to the juggler

Post by bron » Mon May 31, 2004 6:31 pm

  • The one-ball-juggler has put my mind at ease
    Tonight his act did NOT dangle between his knees
    Nor bounce upon a stool, or rebound from his thighs
    In fact, overall he was quite easy on the eyes.

    What lurks beneath is anybody's guess
    So long as it is hidden, or at least put to rest
    It pleased me to see Juggler in a far less lonely act
    So long as he plays standing... I will drink to that.

bron
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 9:12 pm
Location: You really don't want to know.

Yippie beans and top knots.

Post by bron » Wed Jun 09, 2004 3:48 am

Two young yippie beans seem to jump, spin and pop, occasionally moonwalking with their arms.

He's young enough to be her son, I realise. He's younger than my son, she says.

Blonde top knot stubbie sucker woman works her tushy for hopefull mullet man.

Glazed over rotund girl insists they Bring it on. Bring it on. Bring it on. It's been on three times already dear.

Yay. :shock:

RedRaven
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 12:02 am
Location: Out there...OUT THEERRE...somewhere

Sparkles and jiggles in Hollywood.

Post by RedRaven » Mon Aug 16, 2004 3:15 am

Magnet Man paraded another of his recent catches - Shiny-Sparkle-Fatroll-Lady. After she passed out, he ditched her and wandered to his perch at the end of the bar once more. Two seconds later, Blue-Blonde-Married-Chick approached and Magnet Man attatched himself to his latest fridge.
Little Chub danced crazily with Ballet Man. Her second tit-roll larger than her first yet with no centre markings, danced to its own funky groove.
A passionate argument broke out in the corner over who had really smelt it first...and something about someone shitting their pants. No use for an imagination here, but plenty of butt-wipes.
One-Ball-Juggler made an appearance, but was nothing compared to the guys from Hollywood. Pissheads bellowed along with the tunes, and dancing, suitable for an ABBA film clip, took place centre stage and occassionally upon us.
With a quick flick and a "yeah, ok, now pissoff. Thankyou.", stumbling dancers were quickly discarded. Our knee jigging and head swaying to the tunes proceeded into the wee hours, our eyes attempting to flush out the smoke and our bodies bringing it on home with us. Surprise, surprise...
'My eyes! my eyes!'
*whimper*

RedRaven
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 12:02 am
Location: Out there...OUT THEERRE...somewhere

Coasters

Post by RedRaven » Sat Aug 28, 2004 3:34 pm


Hehe. You saw it too chicky. Mr Flash Gordon + 40kgs and 20 years. *strut strut strut* Oh he and his loafers have better things to do. Hey. ho.


Strut strut for what though?? They're so boring!! The most exciting one is the woman with the stamp on her head. Im sure she may think its cool, but really...


Oh my god! It's Barbie, Ken, Skipper, Biff and Kip....and oh, look at that! She has a bat stamp on her head!


That's nothing compared to the dude with a star tattoo on his elbow like he dipped it in a wet flag. OK man, my grandmother's tablecloth look just like your undies. Below the butt is not cool dude.

My little star man with comb down spikies is here again, his elbow co-ordinates with the motif on his back, WOW, I have cleavage from this angle! Mind the wet spot!!


Expressing?? My your nipples are abnormally large! Too many exposed undies for my liking - and what is with this blonde-tipped, wind-swept, 'smacked-up-the-side-of-the-head' hairstyle??!!


They have the whole fucking pub, but they have to stand right in front of us?


Is that a little octopus above his pants? I could almost go for a little slick down. Woah! Twin peaks and the derwent valley. Must write more upright. Is pink fabric so revolting that they can't finish stitching it together?


Is it me or does he look like Kojac? and like, oh my god, like totally, is my outfit cool with my pink top? Like fursure!! I want to be 23 but I am really 51.


She may be 51, but I think she likes shopping for young saplings....and they will follow - do not be fooled- they will follow!! Either Im in a fog in New Norfolk and having interesting visions, or my eyes are being eaten by smoke. The pain! *fan fan* Air circulation please! I even beg for a full gusty fart! Anything to part the smoke clouds!


Oh my god! it's, it's a POP, POP, what the fuck! Im not 17 and I ..

I would like to say..ummm..to u...eat cheese burgers anyway for a little variety never killed any cat!!!


No but I bet those fuckin POP will. "Junglefever", he's got jungle fever. Holy shit, it's PROM QUEEN!!


Oh God - wasted we know - because no sober woman would - oh wait, I think she IS sober. Hmmmm *ponder* - you're a skank cause you jiggle freely, KNOWINGLY, and you don't think it's disgusting! SHAME! *head shake*


Yo Yo Yo, Im a homy from my Hood, Im not from L.A. but vish I could... Hey look, an anorexic egg plant!


I didn't think it was humanly possible to be alive and still be that skinny or that blonde....


..but it sure makes a good groupy to POP POP. Oh she's a pop tart!


There are no underpants on the Aqua Loo. And I don't think she even has boob stickers. OOOkay, I just saw evidence of no sticker savers. Yo Yo Boy wants Anna Lee?? He's getting Aqua Loo instead. It's getting soggy

and wants a star but soon the Loo paper will fall on the bar.
It'll get wet and men will go far.
Such a tart fells like a fallen wet star!

Just caught the chin wicked Aqua paper from the west -Get some water!


Is that a longhair? Is it a sweetpea? No, it's green and tucked in, crookedly...and making adjustments....but, cute.


Oh look at me! Im, like a black, fur sure! Oh wait, no Im just a wanna-be skank in pink.

Still feeling....? From the patch. Do you need to let some agression out?


DEBATABLE!! BEER!!
Just beer & thoughts


'GLIDE' Shall we?


Lots of money & no brains
Mrs Show to the World, can't buy fame.
Stumble and thimble, the suit sees my dimple.
Get me a bucket, I'll spew and she can fuck it.


If my loo rolls were aqua and my arse a drunken pear
Im sure the action would resemble what Im watching over there.


Is the hat or the head crooked?

Maaate!! YU-Ar Fully Sick Mate (in dramatic wog accent)


I know it was all an act.... OI!! She nearly stuck her arse on my head!!

bron
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 9:12 pm
Location: You really don't want to know.

Beer and thoughts

Post by bron » Sun Aug 29, 2004 1:30 am

Image

bron
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2003 9:12 pm
Location: You really don't want to know.

nasty girls of all sorts

Post by bron » Sun Aug 29, 2004 2:52 am

Skank. *wiggle wiggle* Ahh... inspiration left... what to do, what to do... Ewww.. smells like cat piss and burnt hair! Oh!! Hope that's not me... *pat pat*

Insidious gasses built... Oh to have the strength of a thousand arsecheeks *clench* ... It's never going to work, must eliminate and radiate .. *hiss* ...hmm...

Ohhh.. she's back!! *wiggle wiggle wiggle*


Slucking flut, I'll skin her alive and hang her bleeding carcass from the light right near the door at BP in Mortys as a testament to all the real chicks and slowly, one by one, we shall kill off all the f***ers who hypnotise decent men with their skanky, swinging arses that will soon receive hot poles right up them. DIE!!! If it weren't for you hoes they might just have a slim chance of something real. Yeah hold hands girlies you think that turns them on tonight? They'll be wiping their sweaty arse cheeks with your pretty little boob tube in the morning, you just wait sweetheart. Fuck do you have no ears of any sort? How can you dance to this SHIT?

My eyeball aches. Get your fake blonde frizz off our sofa, wretch.


50 cents!? It aint worth ONE cent! Why are people so fake? What is that? A top or ya mama's tablecloth? That's.. OHhhh I'm gonna spew! I can't write that fast!! Stop it!!! NOOOOOO!!!! Get away from me!!! Pull your pants up!!! It's NOT fashionable to show your underwear, g-strings also included, skanky slag!

Oh great, dumbarse is singing again! Fuck the world, fuck it!


Oh fuck, pink tucked fat roll with a pretty bow... you think the bow somehow makes it attractive? Skin tight pink lycra with a BOW?! Little knob foreheads and a few nice ones who should NOT be here. You'd think she'd do something more productive with that voice than imitate MIDI files!! PuhLEAAAZE!

I think I'm done here girls and boys.

:evil: :evil:

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